Bucks night: a best man’s guide

There’s killer stag parties… and then there’s The Hangover—hilarious on DVD, not so funny if it’s you.

Who does what?
As best man, the role of Chief Planner of Mischief falls on you. Have an idea what level of tomfoolery the groom will tolerate—respect that. As chief, you’re entitled to enlist the services of other co-conspirators to pull it all together if need be. Make sure they’re up to the task, decisions get made and the plan happens.

Who pays?
There’s no stipulation that you foot the bill for all the shenanigans. All invitees should chip in. Be sure to cover the groom’s expenses—don’t let him pull out his wallet. Bear in mind that you’ll be up against a range of budgets, so if the plan involves a private island and bottomless vats of Dom Perignon, be prepared to stump up the extra cash or face a low attendance rate.

Wild things
There’s always scope at a bachelor party to go crazy. There’s a fine line between pranker and wanker, though. As for female titillation—truth be told, many men would be disappointed not to see at least one set of bare nipples (of the female variety). Keep it classy. Recognise the line between sexy and sleazy. Topless waitresses at a private poker night could be kinda cool. Two dollar streetwalkers with goats, not so much.

The tame game
For every groom gagging for one last lap dance, there’s a man who would rather anything but. Which is not to say you’re staring down the barrel of a civilised tea party with scones—a good time can be had with a roomful of fellas (and not in a gay way). A lad’s weekend away, tequila golf, sky-diving, go-karting—there are plenty of mammary-free ways to be entertained.

Lead him not into temptation
If the groom wants to shag strippers, let him screw up on his own time. Don’t be the one waving narcotics and hookers under his nose. If there’s no love lost between you and his missus-to-be, it’s even more pertinent to keep your hands clean. Should any wrongdoing be linked back to you, his only get-out-of-jail card may come down to one choice: her or you. With an “I told you so” you’ll be relegated to history as “that tool”—probably with good reason.

Playing protector
Even if you go out of your way to keep a lid on proceedings, there’s always someone who wants to shave off an eyebrow and string the groom up by his scrotum in front of the local church. It’s up to you to stop that happening, even if the solution is to boot out troublemakers. The closer the bucks night is to the wedding, the more vigilance is required. FedEx-ing the groom to Outer Mongolia with no wallet two days before the ceremony is a bad idea. Make sure his limbs, hair and criminal record are in the same state they were at the start of the night.

For more bucks night ideas check out our buck's party directory.

Photo by: Getty Images
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